


we gotta hold on to what we've got

by alwaysenduphere



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Timelines
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-17
Updated: 2015-02-17
Packaged: 2018-03-13 10:21:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,701
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3377903
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alwaysenduphere/pseuds/alwaysenduphere
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There's a chance it might all be a dream, of course, wrapped up in a mass of arms and legs. Plus how does one go about saying 'I don't think this is my universe', first thing upon waking up, really?</p>
            </blockquote>





	we gotta hold on to what we've got

**Author's Note:**

  * For [avaar](https://archiveofourown.org/users/avaar/gifts).



> i'm sorry about the bon jovi title. and the lack of sex, really. the prompt i chose was: _Where one of them wakes up in a parallel universe where they're all together, and when he wakes back up in his universe he wants to try and make it happen there as well._

Niall doesn't do or say anything when he wakes up, at first. It takes him a minute to realize how different the room is than what he's used to waking up to, sunlight floating in from the exact opposite direction as it usually is when he's home, warmth radiating all around him instead of the stark coldness he's grown used to in his own bed. There's a chance it might all be a dream, of course, wrapped up in a mass of arms and legs. Plus how does one go about saying 'I don't think this is my universe', first thing upon waking up, really? So he just holds still for a bit, takes it all in and starts trying to connect body parts to people. He traces the hand on his thigh back to Louis, the body his arm is wrapped around to Harry, the quiet snoring behind him to Zayn, the foot twitching against his as Liam's. It's nice, to be so wrapped up in his boys. A nice change. He hasn't spent much time any of them in several weeks except here and there for promo, a couple hours at a time. He certainly hasn't touched any of them in a while, beyond maybe a shoulder or fist bump here and there. They're a well oiled machine now, years in, but that's mostly what it feels like anymore, like they're all cogs, and Niall refuses to be the one to require maintenance first, despite what possibly waking up in an alternate universe might imply about his mental state.

Eventually he gets too warm, too claustrophobic in a bed - a large bed, true, but nevertheless still a bed not built for five people. He rolls Zayn out of the way, knowing it won't wake him up, and quietly sneaks out of bed, stumbling around a bit in the unfamiliar space. It's weird, how he knows instinctively that those four boys in the bed aren't _his_ , that he's not the Niall that's been a part of their little family until he woke up; how he knows he doesn't belong here, and yet how fiercely he already knows he wants to stay.

~

It's been a month and he keeps thinking that maybe he should say something, or that someone will notice he doesn't remember things in the same way, to say that 'Niall would never put ketchup on that' or 'don't you remember that time that...' but either he's really good at faking or he's lived a pretty similar life to the Niall he's replaced, shared beds notwithstanding. Sometimes he'll get three or four drinks in and start to feel loose enough to maybe bring it up in conversation, just a casual 'hey guys, what's your thoughts on alternate universes', but then Louis will wrap his hand around Niall's wrist and pull him into a corner, or Liam will laugh at a funny face Niall makes at him. Eventually Niall stops flinching at the random touches and just decides it's his secret to keep, adds it to the pile of other secrets he's always kept to himself and hopes that this is his reality to keep.

One day however, apropos of absolutely nothing, Harry says, "You're being weird, Niall. What's up?" Harry's got his chin hooked over Niall's shoulder, his curls tickling at Niall's cheek. Niall's not aware he was doing anything _weird_ but he also can't seem to feel settled, can't stop waiting for the other shoe to drop, like they're all gonna one day realize that he's all wrong and he doesn't fit. That they'll start trying to figure out how to get rid of him.

He's silent for a bit, leaning into the feel of Harry almost automatically. Harry would believe him probably, or at least let him finish explaining how he feels, stranger in a familiar land kind of thing. Harry would be great at listening, but Harry would also be terrible at keeping a secret, and Niall's just starting to settle in.

"I don't really want to talk about it," he says, knocking his head gently back against Harry's.

"Tomorrow then? We don't do secrets here," Harry says, and he looks so honest and so earnest and Niall _loves_ him. He loves them all, so much, but something about Harry makes him feel more comfortable in his own skin than he's ever done, grounds him in such a way that allows him to connect to these other four boys.

"Tomorrow then," Niall repeats, twisting around to place a light kiss on Harry's cheek, still pleased he's able to show his affection freely.

"Oy, started without us then?" Louis shouts in the doorway, four oddly shaped presents in his hands.

"Just warming him up," Harry rumbles against Niall's neck in response, and Niall represses a shiver.

"Happy Birthday, Nialler," Zayn says quietly, popping up next to Louis with a smile on his face.

"Yep," Louis adds, dumping the packages on the floor, "Today's all about you." Niall figures he'll get around to unwrapping them much later in the day.

Harry pulls him to the bed and starts pawing at the buttons on his shirt while Niall mostly stands frozen, a bit in shock he'd forgotten it was his birthday and still a bit in awe he gets to have moments like this one. It's funny how Harry's always been good at managing to get Niall in as little clothing as possible in as short amount of time as possible; Niall suspects that fact would stay the same in any universe. Harry's almost got him down to his pants, but he pulls to hard at Niall's jeans and they both tumble down sideways on the bed.

"Can't ever do anything by yourself, can you, Harold, without mucking it up somehow," Louis says, picking up where Harry left off. It's a bit nasty and Niall feels like he should defend Harry, feels like maybe he doesn't want all this attention on him if it means someone's gonna get left out, but Liam speaks up before he decides what to do next.

"I think maybe we're all just excited to give Niall a good birthday surprise, yeah? Maybe just a little nervous too," he says.

Louis pauses, kisses the inside of Niall's leg and Niall's pretty proud of himself that he doesn't jump at the feeling. "Y'all right, Nialler?"

"Don't be nervous," Niall mumbles, growing ever more aware that he's the only naked one in the room. "I'm not," he says, then laughs. He's received a blowjob from Louis and Harry, given one to Liam while Harry watched, and woke up with all four of them in bed with him for most of the month, but this is the first time since he's been in this timeline that he's had all their attention focused him, and it's more than overwhelming. "It's not that I don't appreciate the attention, but I stop being the only naked one in the room soon?"

Harry doesn't have to be told twice, Liam, Louis and Zayn quickly following him. 

Niall’s never felt more comfortable.

~

On the day after his birthday, Niall wakes up in the morning in a south-facing bedroom, no sun through the windows or warmth of four other boys in the bed to speak of. It's sudden and abrupt and yet, he's not altogether surprised, used to riding out the good stuff while always expecting the luck to end. There's an initial wave of sadness, like a mourning period for something that never technically existed in this world. He can still feel the lingering touches of their hands on him from the night before, even if his skin feels cold, untouched for days. He’s also mildly disappointed he never got to open his birthday presents.

He lays in bed for a while, stares at the ceiling and tries to recall every second of the last month in vivid detail. He thinks about writing it all down, just so he can have it and never forget it, even if it was all a dream. He doesn't think it was, but there's really no way to prove otherwise. He decides he really does need to tell someone, though, so he calls Bressie. They haven't really spoken in ages, but they've always had the kind of friendship where it's perfectly okay to call at seven am with the most ridiculous sounding of stories.

Bressie doesn't believe him at first, of course, but he indulges him for a bit.

"Really vivid dream, huh," Bressie says once Niall has finished rambling on, low rumble of sleep still in his voice. Niall's not sure what kind of hours Bressie keeps anymore, and he wonders absently how much sleep he's keeping him from getting.

"I'm telling you Bres, the longer I think about it, the more I don't think it was a dream."

"Okay, it wasn't a dream. Even still, you're in this reality now."

Niall can hear Bressie sighing on the other end of the line and he frowns, absently wiping at his face in frustration. "If the next thing out of your mouth is 'what are you going to do about it' i'm going to start regretting making this call."

"You called for advice, didn't you?"

"I called so someone wouldn't call me crazy if I told them about the last month of my life."

"You're crazy," Bressie says immediately, and it startles a laugh out of Niall.

"Thanks, mate," he says, "we should talk more often."

"Ah, hell, I'm not gonna be your replacement soundboard for your weird menage a...cinq? Is that what's five in french?"

Niall's still laughing, infinitely glad he decided to call someone. "Does it matter?"

"I really don't think so. Do what feels right, huh? If it was meant to be in one universe, it could be meant to be in every universe, or in just that one."

"Yeah, okay. That's helpful."

"You're welcome," Bressies says, then hangs up without even a goodbye.

"Well that's that," Niall says to an empty room in response, then stays in bed hoping to return to the other timeline for just a bit longer.

~

He doesn't bring it up to anyone else for quite a while. He just sort of accidentally gets needier. He finds himself asking Zayn for back rubs and taking advantage of Liam when he asks if there's anything he can do to help. He feels a little bad about it but he also feels...loved, really. Taken care of. It's a close facsimile of the life he'd started to get used to in that other world, that dream-but-not-a-dream world.

They're doing an interview about the new album one day when Harry gets worked up over nothing specific, and Niall finds himself as the only one able to calm him down, wraps a hand around Harry's thigh and just grounds him for the rest of the day. They spend four hours tucked in a hotel bed together afterward, his hands wrapped around Harry, just comforting him, and he's been trying hard not to dwell about the comforts of that other world but he just. He misses the intimacy, the lingering warmth of stray touches, the comfort of a soft hug after a long day.

He blurts it out one night, completely by accident. Louis and Zayn are high, cuddled close on the bed, and maybe he is a little bit too, laying close enough to inhale their fumes, he's not even sure anymore. Harry's spread out on the floor and Liam's over in the corner, one headphone in and one out, half listening between something they recorded last week and the conversation (or lack of one) that they're having now. It's then Niall realizes that they don't spend much time together anymore, all five of them, always shuffling around each other and to place to place at different times, but somehow in this moment they've all ended up in the same place at the same time.

It just comes out. "Once I went to an alternate universe and we were all happy together."

Harry's eyes widen a fraction, but everyone else laughs, one of the "Niall is so much fun" kind of laughs that usually he appreciates but not right now. No one takes him seriously.

That's all he ever says about it.

Things start to slowly change after that though, more touches and less arguments, more time spent with each other than in separate cars, separate planes and hotel rooms. It's probably completely on accident, but Niall can't help but wonder if maybe just saying it out loud started to right some wrong in this universe. Their situation is never going to be just the same and there's still a bit of strain, but they've grown further apart in this universe than they ever did in the other one, so Niall thinks that this is probably as good as they'll ever be in this universe, this one he's pretty certain he's never leaving again.

~

Harry kisses him on a Tuesday. He just stops in the middle of a sentence and says, "Can I just.." then ducks in for a soft but lingering kiss before pulling away with the most confused of looks on his face. He tilts his head to the side, and Niall waits, used to Harry taking his time with words, when they matter. In the end all he manages is "Niall, I don't..." and then he doesn't speak to him for three days, before sneaking into his house on the fourth and cuddling up to him in bed sometime in the night. Niall wakes up slightly less cold that morning, and every morning following.

At their crew Halloween party Niall chooses Living On A Prayer as his karaoke song, not really thinking too much into it as he belts out the lyrics. Liam seems to notice something's up and sticks a little closer to him all night, growing a bit handsier as he grows a lot more drunk, until eventually Niall just goes for it, deciding not to think about it too much anymore and says, "Liam, mate, care to take this to the bathroom?" And that's that. Liam's eyes widen just a bit as he registers the implication and he follows Niall closely as they head to the bathroom. It's certainly not the most comfortable blowjob Niall's given, knees cold and growing stiff on a slightly dirty floor, but it feels good all the same, like he's one step closer to righting a wrong.

Nothing really changes with Louis, though Niall thinks maybe it will eventually. Louis has always been quick to words but slow to actions anyway, and Niall's grown more certain by the day that when Louis is ready, it'll happen. One night before a show they're all getting dressed and Caroline makes a joke about the size of Niall's arms, leading to everyone squeezing his biceps, which basically leads to some wrestling and Caroline probably regretting her life, if the exasperated sigh she gives them is anything for Niall to go by.

Louis enters the room mid-pile up and says, "Oy I want a turn," reminding Niall of his birthday in the other world. He grows quiet for a minute, shakes it off before he thinks anyone notices. He's wrong though, as Zayn finds him out on his deck a few days later.

"Suffocating bunch, aren't we?" Zayn asks, digging around in his jacket for cigarettes, offering one up. Niall shakes his head. He's decided he doesn't much care for the taste in his own mouth, but also that he doesn't mind it on other people that he wants to kiss.

"Suffocating. Bit claustrophobic. Loud, sometimes, too. Not a fan, really," Niall says, trying to be casual.

Zayn just smiles. "Liar."

"Yep," he says, then leans over to kiss Zayn slowly, telegraphing in case Zayn wants to turn him down. "Love you, you know," Niall says, after.

Zayn's quiet for a minute, just stares at Niall,like he's contemplating something. Niall thinks it should make him uncomfortable, the scrutiny, but the longer Zayn stares at him, the more comfortable the silence grows. "We know," he finally says, smiling.

Niall smiles back and kisses Zayn again.


End file.
